There are lots of articles regarding death. It’s been written about so many times over the years that I’m not even sure I have anything relevant to add. Am I a stranger to it? Definitely not. I lost my very good friend and Grandmother when I was four. Then I lost my best friend and Grandfather when I was twenty-one. But it never gets easier saying “good-bye”. It’s because every person is a unique, unrepeatable expression on God’s love. I miss everyone who has gone before me but in different ways.
Why am I choosing to write about death today? It’s because my husband’s mom had a major heart attack and is going to pass away at any moment. It’s been hard to know she’s dying soon, but what’s been harder for me is watching Tim go through trying to let go of his mom. And the whole ordeal makes me think too much. “What am I going to do when my Mom dies? How could I handle Tim dying? What if something happens to James?” (my toddler). Needless to say there has been a huge amount of anxiety kicking around for the past week as I realize how fragile life is.
I converted to Catholicism ten years ago this past Easter. It was the best decision I ever made. It is truly my faith and Tim’s that is keeping us going through this difficult experience. We unquestionably believe that we will see those who died in the faith again in heaven. We just have to keep up our faith and live Christ-like until we die! This is easier said than done though – especially with my temper! Siiiiiigh.
But I’d be remiss not to mention how much beauty I have seen throughout this whole ordeal. The way the family has come together to care for her, the loving talks her children have had with her, the reconciliations that took place, and Tim’s family pushing past their grief to look after James so Tim and I could have a break and sit with her. Such compromise, caring, and love all rolled into one circumstance! So moving and wonderful.
I will always be so grateful to my Mother-in-law for taking me into her home when I had no place to live, for all the meals, for telling Tim to marry me (haha!), for being a loving Babcia to James, but mostly for raising the most terrific friend, husband, and father this girl could ever hope for.
And I know in my heart that she will be going to heaven soon where there will be no more illness or sadness. And I told her the other day to say “Hi!” to my loved ones who are there and to put in a good word for me to Jesus. ‘Cause hey, it can’t hurt. And we will have another person looking out for us from above where everything is visible unlike we who are still on earth. We don’t understand why things happen or fully know Jesus. But one day when we see him face to face in heaven we will understand and know Him fully.
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:12 & 13
In the meantime, please send good wishes and prayers our way. And thanks for hanging out with me by reading this post. Another day goes by…